Mean Girls of the YMCA

Just when I thought that the Y couldn't get any more exciting... Mean Girls!

Okay, so there was only just one, but she really got my girls going. And my girls can spin, let me tell you, especially the 12 year old.

It's not that exciting of a tale, or coherent, but the nasty girl at the swimming pool definitely turned my day on its ear.

I think we can take her, though. Stay tuned.

Money Fight!

This morning I was searching on Amazon, trying to find my book using keywords. And, as usual, I was not having any success. My book is virtually impossible to find on Amazon. I am learning a definite lesson about titles, let me tell you.

But I digress. I searched under my name and found my kindle book, but what else I found was

this:

Star-crossed: Secrets by LR Pardee (Paperback - 2011)

1 new from $137.17

Books: See all 5 items

What????

Someone out there is trying to sell my book in paperback for $137.17? I'm not sure if I should be flattered or horrified. Or enraged?

How much do I get of this 137 dollars... plus shipping.

And then there's the question of where did this copy come from? There are definitely hard copies of Star-crossed:Secrets out there. I gave them to lots of my friends. None in New Hampshire, though. But $137? I mean, you could actually buy a Kindle and buy my book on Kindle for less than $137. Hell, just ask me and I'll give you a copy for free!

I got my own chicken now, B**ch!

And he's got a ski-do!

Alright! This is my side-splitting tale of how I got this insanely bizarre and totally impractical chicken (or seagull) and installed him on a ski-do... which is actually on wheels... Prepare for hilarity.

So, Roy verbally abused me and threatened my life and I went to an outlet mall and bought a seagull. And named him Justin Beiber. And put him on a ski-do. So he could sit in the park at Liberty Bay. And Roy shook his fist at me. And said, "Bam, Zoom, straight to the moon."

Yeah, that Blogess lady is still funnier than me.

But, really, this chicken/duck/seagull was sitting in Poulsbo Waterfront Park-- or whatever its new name is-- as we walk by with the dogs. You don't see that every day... especially since he is on a ski-do on wheels. When we come back around on our walk, this old couple is remote controlling him and using a relay to have him chat with children. And all I can say is, "don't follow that duck/chicken into a van, kiddies." Or a boat... even if it is a really nice one.

But weirder than the rich pedophiles, is the miles of plant/garland stuff that the Norwegian Mid-sommer celebrators have circled all around the park. The garland isn't weird. It's lovely. But on the garland, every five feet are signs that say "Danger. Stay off."

Ok, what kind of danger does a strand of garland pose? Is it electrified? Is it going to swoop up in a net and capture us all? Will knives shoot out of the pavilion if we step on it? It just leads me to question, what kind of effed up Viking terrorist celebration is this?"

And then I went home and had a drink.

Meet... my next 10 pounds

Once summer rolls around-- and I do recognize that it hasn't rolled our way yet-- I crave chips. In the winter I love the sweet but in the summer, it's the salty. Ok, it's also still the sweet. No carrot cravings for me, I'm sad to say.

Anyway, I have found the chip of the summer of '11. In case the photo didn't make it clear, Sun Chips Jalapeno Jack. I am literally obsessed with these chips. Could eat them all day.

And that was my product endorsement for the week. Eat them. Yum.

It's madness!

Mostly I am posting to use this awesome photo. Those cats, they can sell anything.

But I can riff with this.

A week ago I sent in my Giant 6 month membership check to the new Y in Silverdale. Seemed like a no-brainer. The kids were out of school, here was a giant facility aimed at entertaining kids. Perfect match.

Wrong. And here's why:

1. I have lazy kids. And I say that with all due love and respect. My lovely daughters took one turn around the running track, glanced at the basketball court and said, "what else you got?" Yeah, my kids do pools, but this pool "is for babies". Sigh.

2. I am treating this Y membership like wristbands at the fair. As in "two more rides until we get our thirty dollars worth. No, I don't care if you are about to puke. Get on the Zipper!"

Yep, it's just like that. No matter how much my kids puke, we are going back to that Y.

No, not really. There has not been puking. But I definitely do the math every time we go there. And it is literally driving me insane. We are never going to visit the Y enough to get our money's worth. It's money given to the cosmos. Bye money.

And then I added a new brilliant factor to my calculations. If we don't to to the Y, we save $4 in gas. So the new calculus is the cost of the membership divided by visits per month, subtracting out the cost of saved gas. Or something like that. I'm not very mathy.

And you can see why I am going out of my mind. Perhaps I should stop researching marketing for my book and start researching mental health facilities.

Pardee Out.

The example I'm setting...

After 12 1/2 years, I have grown tired of telling my children what to do and watching them do something else. Or nothing. And so, I have decided to just lead by example and hope it turns them into valuable, or at least employable, members of society.

Let's see. What examples am I setting?

1. Read alot.

That's a good one. Reading is a worthy pastime. although I read lots of fluff, so perhaps it is not a good example.

2. Eat salad.

Yes. Very good. Yay me.

3. Swim.

Exercise good. I am three for three here.

4. Drink beer. Often.

Hmm. I might be losing traction.

5. Eat lots of chocolate.

Hell yeah. These kids will know what's important in life.

6. Only clean house when someone is coming over.

Yeah, that's kind of marginal.

7. Volunteer until it makes you crazy.

Yes, awesome. I am awesome. Unless I am sending the message that they should work for free. Gainful employement, girls, gainful. Either way it will make you crazy.

8. If people make you mad, swear about them.

Probably better than swearing at them. Or shooting them.

9. Be on the computer ALL THE TIME. Unless you are watching a movie.

Sure. Why not. By the time their my age, they'll probably have computers embedded in their heads.

10. Buy lots of expensive footwear and coats.

This is already biting me in the butt. I should do it more stealthily.

That about sums me up. So... I've got some pluses and minuses. What example are you setting?

Pardee Out.

Baby I was born this way

And apparently, so were my kids. Well, not the beer. But we are a family that loves to be in front of the computer. After one week they consider a trip to the Y child abuse.

Poor children.