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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

*&%#$% Cat

I know that you expected me to blah, blah, blah about my new book today (Star-crossed: Journeys, available on Nook and Kindle for $2.99) since it is newly released. But today is GSDD (Get Sh** Done Day) and look who is interfering with me getting Sh** done.

Because, yes, my clean laundry makes a lovely bed. I should point out that this cat often exudes a foul stench to rival a pig farm so, his nest in my laundry is doubly undesirable.

Perhaps I should exile him to an alien planet.

Ooooo, is that a book reference? Maybe... read it and see.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

The mouse needs to stay in the house

Okay, the dude at the Y was totally nice and soooo helpful to my kid while climbing, but he so needs to wear a cup or something. I mean, it's a family establishment... am I right?

In similar news, how can my boobs be crooked when I'm wearing a bra?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Finally, Rico can have a friend

Wandering JoAnn's with my sweet angels--who really need to go back to school NOW, by the way, I came this awesome Metal Thanksgiving chicken. Yes... chicken. It is clearly a chicken. And he clearly needs to come to my house and keep Rico company. Cause Rico needs someone to distract him from the piles of dead slugs. So, I picked him up and carried him towards the counter when child number two says, "You're really obsessed with those metal birds." "Am not," I say, and put him down. And so, thanks to my bossy pants daughter, I did not buy Rico his friend. They SO need to go back to school.

But I did buy this guy-- who bounces around like a drunken fat man and is hysterical.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I'm back, baby...

At long last, I have put my parents on their plane and real-estate-mageddon 2011 has ended. Now I can take a deep breath and try to be funny again. Unless my parents have sucked the funny out of me. Time will tell.

Monday, August 1, 2011

The Mannequins of Bellevue Square

You know, like the Bridges of Madison County.

Today was our annual shopping trip to Bellevue Square. I can't say that we found a lot worth buying... but we certainly enjoyed the mannequins.

As you can see, we really liked this particular mannequin. Mostly, we wanted to sit on the couch and her lazy, half-naked ass was in the way.

My daughters were highly offended by this mannequin's thong... which you can't see. Obviously, a photo of that would be in extremely bad taste.

This one is just creepy. Wish I had a see through waist. I also wish I had had the guts to go into that chi-chi store and take a photo of my kids with the green mannequins. But, as you know, I was wearing ripped shorts so, 'nuff said.