Whose voice is it anyway?

I listen to audiobooks in my car constantly.  I'm not sure I could get from one place to the other without someone blabbing at me. It's a good thing.


What is interesting is that if I am listening to a dark, suspenseful book, I find that I come home and write in a dark and suspenseful style.  And when I listen to a lighthearted chick book, that's how my voice comes out when I write.  I suppose that could mean that, over the years that it takes me to write and edit a book, what the end product ends up an inconsistent mish mash of styles. I'd like to think that it all evens out, but I have to wonder. I might not even notice! 

I also wonder who is really writing this book.  I suppose we take our inspiration from all things around us, but it just seems disingenuous. On the other hand, maybe taking the best of what I'm exposed to makes me better...or at least my writing better  We can hope.

Must. Get. Ball.

So, I spent two weeks putting together a very specific Query for an agent. Lots of formatting and fine-tuning. I definitely owe my editor a nice dinner. Finally, I had everything together and e-mailed it to her...only to have it bounce back...twice. No doubt because her e-mail is already overflowing with Queries. Groan. Now you see why I self-publish.

It's not that I don't believe in the traditional publishing process. It makes sense that the publishers --or someone-- sift through all the writing to make sure that only the best gets published. I've read a lot of self-published stuff in my quest to support indie writes, and there's a lot of mediocre stuff out there. Well, and a lot of garbage. But the system seems so back logged. Not that my writing is genius or anything, and maybe it isn't worthy of a publisher’s notice...but how can I get a publisher's notice if I can't even get it into someone's in-box? It's like I need an agent to get me to an agent. Thank God for self-publishing. Cause sometimes, that ball is just out of reach.

Introducing-- Clown Schlong

So, my title blows. Not only is every other book in the world named Starcrossed but the title Star-crossed: Secrets makes me gag. The more I say it, the more I gag. So, I unveil my new title: Clown Schlong. I can't possibly say that enough. And, to the left, is the new cover. What will he pull out of that hat? If you guessed Clown Schlong, you might be right.

Swimming to Portland

Yes, it's me. Aren't I awesome. And, from afar, I look naked.

I wish I looked that fantastic... clothed or naked.

So, my insane friends and I are "swimming to Portland"-- as in, swimming the distance to Portland. You know who you are, insane friends. And we are swimming huge amounts of yardage trying to keep up with/beat each other. And it is a blast. And it is painful. And I am seeing stars. But that might be all the Sangria.

What does this have to do with your novel, Star-crossed, Laurel? Well, I'm glad you asked. Because Star-crossed, while it seems to be sci-fiy and romance, is really a swimming novel. And Chara looks just like tight buns in the photo there.

Say what?

Ok, that is a stretch. But one of my characters is a swimmer. Brett might seem minor, but in the only-written-in-my-head third novel, his roll is significant. There is much swimming.

And, of course, since most of the book was written in my head as I swam laps back and forth, it is a novel born of swimming.

Ok, so that is a stretch. But what can I say, I am full of Sangria. It makes sense to me. Perhaps you should try some Sangria and read this again and it will make sense.

Pardee out.

The dangerous pitfalls of the eyeroll.

I am re-editing Journeys because, as always, there are some blatant errors hiding in there. And it can always use a bit more polish. But what I am finding is that my characters are constantly rolling their eyes or raising their eyebrows. Sometimes they even do that ever-tricky single eyebrow raise.

Yes, my characters are talented individuals.

Also, they probably look like they have some sort of seizure disorder with all the twitching and eye rolling.

So, I have to wonder, am I overdoing it? When you read a book and there is lots of eye communication, does it bug you or do you just go with it?

Pardee out.

To publish or not to publish

So, I just read a blog discussing the dangers of self-publishing, the take home message being that sometimes a manuscript should live in the drawer and not ever be published.

Because it stinks like month old ricotta cheese.

Ok, I get that. Sometimes, a book isn't ready for the world. Or the world isn't ready for the book.

But just because an agent or a publisher or an army of agent publishers, with claws, and fangs, and herpes say it isn't ready for prime time, doesn't mean it isn't.

I think the point I am trying to make through this ponderous babble is that there isn't really much to lose in self-publishing. And this is true even if your book is the biggest piece of garbage to wash up on the south shore. Really. Because once you put it out there, people will read it... or not. And people will like it ... or not. And it seems like you should be able to give that choice to the reading public. Lord knows I've read enough stinkers released by the publishing world. And I've read some self-published gems that deserve the accolades and adoration of the literary world. And a movie deal. Like my book. Star-crossed: Secrets.

Not really. I'm not that arrogant. But other books... like Tammy Blackwell's Destiny Binds.

So, that is my opinion for the day.

Pardee out.

Phallic anemones

When I was done with the second half of the Star-crossed series, Journeys, I decided that it would be sneaky and clever to put a watermark of very penis-looking anemones on every page. That way the reader would wonder if they were looking at penises on every page. And it was pretty darned funny, when I did it.

However, the watermark did not transfer when I changed the formatting to upload the file. So, the literary world will not have the pleasure of wondering "is that a penis?" on every page of my book. Sorry world. The time has not come.

Pardee out.

For love or money

The other day, my 10 year old asked me if people write for the money or for fame. That made me consider why I wrote the Star-crossed books. As I mentioned before, they originally were a challenge to my lazy children to write themselves. But once I got into writing them for serious and finishing them... did I want riches or fame? Or, more realistically, a bit of pocket change or recognition?

Well, when I chose to self-publish, I was thinking that I just wanted to get my book out to all my friends so they could read it and, hopefully, like it. Because, really, what's the point of spending years of your life writing and editing if the book is just going to sit on your hard drive? It's a nice mental exercise but it feels a bit wasted. So that's what I did. And many of my friends have read and at least pretending to like Secrets. So, hurray! Goal accomplished.

But, I guess it would be nice to make a little money. I am blessed to have all my needs met and then some. But I feel like I am pouring money into copies of the books to hand out to friends and I know my outflow will exceed my intake. So... a few healthy sales would be nice.

So... I guess the answer is, for both love and money. At least for me. What about the rest of you writers?

Pardee out.

The joke is on me

Two years ago I put up my easel and my paints and engrossed myself in the very entertaining task of writing a novel. Initially it was an effort to inspire my girls to write over the summer, but it took on a life of its own.

Now, here I am, publishing said novel and realizing that I need some bitchin' cover art because the photo I used as the cover is too blah. And as I am searching for art, I am learning that I will need to pay $350-ish for said cover art. So for my 99 cent ebook that I will be lucky to make $20 from, I will need to pay hundreds of dollars for the cover. Twice, because there are two books.

Silly Laurel, you should have stuck with painting!

Revisiting the Cover

So, I listened in on a Q&A on self-publishing yesterday and one of the main points that I took away was that the cover is everything. Bad cover = no sales. This is the second time I have heard this and I am ready to take it seriously.

Now, my covers are lovely photos, but they are kind of boring and lackluster and make me want to sing hymns and drink the Kool Aid.

So, I have begun the search for a new cover through the awesome power of Google images. And, lo and behold, I found it. The perfect photo.

No... not this one. Although it would make a hell of a cover. Sadly, the photo I pine for was not taken by Uncle Bob on vacation, it was taken by a professional. A lovely British woman. So I have e-mailed her and we are in negotiations.

And I am stuck. This photo is awesome. I can't show it yet but trust me. But how much should I pay for it? I have made all of $2.00 on this book and may not make any more. So how much are the rights to a fantastic cover worth? On the other hand, if the cover really makes the book, I could be swimming in cash-ola. I guess this is what they call an investment gamble.

Anyone with advice?

Pardee Out.