*&%#$% Cat

I know that you expected me to blah, blah, blah about my new book today (Star-crossed: Journeys, available on Nook and Kindle for $2.99) since it is newly released. But today is GSDD (Get Sh** Done Day) and look who is interfering with me getting Sh** done.

Because, yes, my clean laundry makes a lovely bed. I should point out that this cat often exudes a foul stench to rival a pig farm so, his nest in my laundry is doubly undesirable.

Perhaps I should exile him to an alien planet.

Ooooo, is that a book reference? Maybe... read it and see.

The mouse needs to stay in the house

Okay, the dude at the Y was totally nice and soooo helpful to my kid while climbing, but he so needs to wear a cup or something. I mean, it's a family establishment... am I right?

In similar news, how can my boobs be crooked when I'm wearing a bra?

Finally, Rico can have a friend

Wandering JoAnn's with my sweet angels--who really need to go back to school NOW, by the way, I came this awesome Metal Thanksgiving chicken. Yes... chicken. It is clearly a chicken. And he clearly needs to come to my house and keep Rico company. Cause Rico needs someone to distract him from the piles of dead slugs. So, I picked him up and carried him towards the counter when child number two says, "You're really obsessed with those metal birds." "Am not," I say, and put him down. And so, thanks to my bossy pants daughter, I did not buy Rico his friend. They SO need to go back to school.








But I did buy this guy-- who bounces around like a drunken fat man and is hysterical.

I'm back, baby...

At long last, I have put my parents on their plane and real-estate-mageddon 2011 has ended. Now I can take a deep breath and try to be funny again. Unless my parents have sucked the funny out of me. Time will tell.

The Mannequins of Bellevue Square

You know, like the Bridges of Madison County.

Today was our annual shopping trip to Bellevue Square. I can't say that we found a lot worth buying... but we certainly enjoyed the mannequins.





As you can see, we really liked this particular mannequin. Mostly, we wanted to sit on the couch and her lazy, half-naked ass was in the way.












My daughters were highly offended by this mannequin's thong... which you can't see. Obviously, a photo of that would be in extremely bad taste.













This one is just creepy. Wish I had a see through waist. I also wish I had had the guts to go into that chi-chi store and take a photo of my kids with the green mannequins. But, as you know, I was wearing ripped shorts so, 'nuff said.

The happiest place in Muggleville

A woman I know writes a popular parenting blog and Universal Studios flew her and her family out to visit the parks so she would write about them. Though Universal Studios has done me no such favor, in fact, they refused to give me back the credit card that I left in one of their restaurants, I'm still going to blog about them. Yeah, you're welcome, Universal.

Here is the entrance to Harry Potterland. I must say, it did not disappoint. Although the snow on the roofs was kind of a cruel mockery considering the sweltering temps outside. Would it have killed them to air condition the whole exhibit? Considering the price of Butterbeer, they should be able to afford it.

So, here we are entering Hogsmeade at the bright and early hour of 7 am. Staying onsite got us early admission to Harry Potter and let me tell you, you'd be a fool not take advantage of it. Once the park opens at 8, the lines for the ride in Hogwarts are many hours long. And by 9 or so they have bouncers keeping people out of Hogsmeade because it gets too full.

Yes, it is this crowded at 7 in the morning.


















And here is Hagrid's Hut from line for the Flight of the Hippogriff ride, where my daughter lost not one, but two hats.









Since I'm not writing a parenting blog, I will just go ahead and tell you that you will have way more fun at the parks without your kids. I don't care if there's a Dr. Suess section-- where the Green Eggs and Ham restaurant doesn't sell ham, nor eggs, and nothing is green -- or a Cartoon Alley, or Spiderman... the kids will just slow you down. Park the kids at Grandma's and go by yourselves. They'll forgive you when you bring them a obscenely overpriced wand and a stuffed owl.

The best part of Harry Potterland, is staring at the robes and hats and shirts and wondering what house you belong in. And then laughing at the people in the Hufflepuff shirts. Well, no, the best part of Harry Potterland is the Butterbeer. But choosing your house is a close... um, well, distant... second. I was very disappointed not to find a Slytherin sweatshirt-- cause I like to wear my evil like a mantle. My youngest daughter is a Ravenclaw to the bone and my eldest is in "shut up and buy me more Butterbeer".

So...what house do you belong in?

The great experiment

Big news everyone! I have entered the world of advertising. I have jumped off the deep end and have taken out a Facebook ad for my book. When I was researching using Facebook ads for ebooks, I didn't find anything. No one had good or bad experiences to report. So, here I am, everyone's guinea pig. I have plunked down the bucks and am awaiting results.

Here's the deal. You set up a FB page for your book and then you go through their menu to say what you want your ad to say and who you want it to go to. And then, the rest is magic. Or something. I'm not really sure what it looks like to people who get the ad, but the idea is that the ad makes them want to click your page. At least that is the goal of Facebook, because that is how they get paid. My goal is for them to click to my page, "like" my page, and buy the book.

And the $60,000 question is: Is that happening?

I can tell you that since I put the ad up two days ago, I have had 76 new people "like" my page. But I have not sold a single book. At least, not on Amazon. So, it's nice to be liked but, to coin a phrase, show me the money.

My husband thinks that these "clickers" may be fake. He thinks they are Facebook "plants". I suppose that could be. They certainly have interesting names.

Of course, I must keep in mind that has only been two days. So far, though, I have spent $31 on advertising and my benefit is $0.

On the awesome side of things, when I looked at my Amazon sales, I found out that I sold a book to someone in the UK. I think that is mighty exciting. I've jumped the pond. My book is being read on two continents. Woot!

So... in summary, if you are dying to find out whether or not you should take out a FB ad for your book, I have to say, I'm skeptical, but stay tuned.